In Need Of a Plan
I am so desperate that I could greatly benefit from some mental help. I need a way to get back together with Alex. The first step to doing so is to reveal my darkest secret: The fact that I'm suicidal.
Picking out people you think you can trust is a lot harder than it seems. I thought I could talk to Jasmine at recess, but she wasn't saying a word. Obviously I don't want things to seem like I'm talking to a wall. I crossed Jasmine off my list.
Originally, I had crossed Shira off my list because she had told me that I was too smart for suicide. (That's not true of course.) Now I think maybe I could give her some clues so she can figure it out on her own. I told her at lunch today that I was imagining myself dead. She still appears to be clueless. she asked what was wrong with me, but I knew that anyone who has even the slightest bit of sense wouldn't announce that they are suicidal in a lunchroom full of people. I'm supposed to call her in about an hour. I kept her on my list.
I also think I can ask Mrs. Farooqui the right way to go, but she likes me so much that I believe that admitting to her that I'm suicidal might shock her.
My last suggestion is Mrs. Laytham. She knows that I had a crush on someone in my class last year, though it might be difficult to tell her that it was Alex Motley. She's rather strategical, so she might be able to think up a decent way for me to approach Alex. I'll try asking her tomorrow.
Then Jasmine came back to me and told me she was a little disappointed earlier and that she was sorry that she was talking. Perhaps I can add her back to my trust list?
Bottom Line: If I don't find someone to tell soon, my desire for Alex will be so powerful that I'll drown in it and leave this world forever!!!
Ciao for Now, from lost but somewhat hopeful to escape my horror,
-Jess