Checklist: Day Three
On day three, I asked if I could take the bubble bath. Dad said yes, so I putmy Frosty Fizzie in the water. I was expecting perfect bubbles, like it said on the label, but it didn't make any bubbles. Instead it just dissolved in the water! WHAT A RIPOFF!
Ciao for Now,
-Jess

Checklist: Day Two
Day Two wasn't such a great day for me. I tried to get that bubble bath, and in order to get my juice, I had to sneak it, so I hid it in the corner of the bathtub. Then my sisters came in and wanted to stare at me while I took my bath, and that's not my idea of a good time! I started to tell them to go away, but they whined and complained. Dad came in and resolved the problem, then he started to lift up the curtain. Then I realized, he was going to see the juice! I grabbed it quickly, but Dad saw me. He yelled at me for sneaking the juice, and I wan't allowed to take it at all that day. I'll ask again tomorrow!
Ciao for Now,
-Jess

Checklist: Day One
On the first day of checklisting, I decided to go in the woods and explore the creek on Leisure Lane. It was a small creek, located behind the Leisure street sign. The water wasn't very deep, but it was rather muddy and marshy, so I made sure that I stepped on the side or on the various stones, mudbanks, and branches stuck in the mucky water.
The creek extended for a loooong time! I walked for about half an hour, then decided to see where I was. I walked out onto the road and found that I was in an unfamiliar court. Anyhow, when I walked up the street, I was totally stunned to discover that I had ended up on Woodshire, a road off of Olive and nowhere near my house!
Immediately I raced up Woodshire and back down to the creek. Then I climbed up the other side of the creek, then looked confused. Somehow I was right back on Leisure! After that, I headed back for my house, unwilling to get lost again. Once I was back I hopped in the shower because I was a mess! I had this crazy idea that perhaps the creek led to a totally different country! It sounds impossible, but you can get me to believe almost anything!
I wished to go stargazing that night as well, so then I got out my Star Theater to watch, just so I'd have some idea of what to look for. Only one problem, the light bulb in the light wand had burnt out! My dad and I seached at several electronics store for a replacement bulb, but they didn't have an exact replica. Radioshack had one that was pretty close, so we brought it home. Then I noticed that the battery pack hadn't been inserted in the correct way. I tried the orignal light bulb again. It worked perfectly! I started to get the Star Theater set up downstairs, and right while I was doing that, the light bulb burnt out for real this time! The other bulb we bought didn't fit because it didn't have prongs, it had wires. The wires wouldn't fit in the holes at the end of the light wand. Guess I had to try some other day!
Ciao for Now,
-Jess

Plans for Winter Break
Just yesterday, we were let out of school for two weeks on winter break. I remember that last winter break I was sad because Alex wasn't there to console me. So sad, in fact, that I formed the word "ALEX" with stones in my backyard and put a leaf shaped like a heart next to it. Just so I'll be able to avoid thinking about it, I've made a To-Do List. Here is what I've put on it:
1.Download all of my new CDs to itunes library and rearrange playlists
2.Finish old journal and begin a new one
3. Start part 2 of Operation:S.N.O.W.
4. Start a scrapbook
5. Do some stargazing
6. Make a crazy Litebrite picture
7. Make stuffed animal clothes with felt
8. Make another symmetry diamond
9.Write two poems
10. Drink smoothies while having a bubble bath
11.Find lyrics on EZ for 5 songs
12. Clean out closets
13. Make one food item from Dierbergs recipie card
14. Polish everything in room
15. Read a Nancy Drew book
16. Hike through creek behind Leisure Lane
So far I seem to be keeping up with my list pretty well. Last night I made the Litebrite picture, and today I hiked through the creek and finished five EZ Lyrics songs. I'm planning to have the bubble bath with smoothies. I'll keep you updated on how my list progresses!
Ciao for Now, from preoccupied but still heartbroken,
-Jess

Starving For Truth
I am starting to feel as if I have just made a huge mistake. Here is my story:

I wrote a letter to Alex begging him to talk to me, because I thought it was my last chance to set my mind at peace. At the same time, though, I was hesitant about putting in the mailbox because I wasn't sure if he would bother to help me.
I finally ended up mailing it a week ago today, so I'm sure he received it by now. In the last week, I got no response from him. I am now starting to assume that he lied to me when he said he cared. I'm starting to realize that perhaps he's a different person from the nice guy he used to be.
I loved Alex at first because I thought he understood and appreciated me, so I thought he wasn't like the popular snobs who step on and act mean to the unpopular kids like me.
Since I got no response from my letter, I assumed that my life was over and that I should just attempt to die as soon as possible, but just yesterday I had a terrible idea. What if he didn't send a response to me and destroyed me on purpose because he doesn't like me anymore. And that lead to an even worse prediction: It could have been possible that the nice person he was last year was just a cover up so that I would fall for it and get sucked in, just so that he could make a fool of me and then throw me away. Perhaps he's the kind of boy who gets girls attracted to him, then he breaks their hearts and and throws them out of his life. (That might be what he did with me!)
I knew that if I couldn't have Alex, I would have no reason to be alive. So I started to make a decision that I planned to stick to. My plan is that I'm going to try and starve myself to death. I'm going to eat only one meal a day, (Dinner, the one I'm forced to eat.) until I'm so thin and weak that I die of starvation.
My friends are trying to get me to eat, but I won't do it unless I hear from Alex. It's getting serious, but I'm not about to change my mind.
I wrote Alex an "imaginary letter" (I don't plan to send this one, though). Here is word for word what it says:
My dear Alex,
I must reveal to you a secret that not a soul knows about: Without you, I have been depressed for months. I cry a lot, I can't trust my friends, and I can't sleep most nights. I'm going under and I desperately need anyone to have mercy on me and take me away from the pain.
Recently I came to the conclusion that the letter I wished to send to you would solve all my problems. If you didn't respond, I thought it would all be over. That was my last chance, and you destroyed me by wasting it.
I have tried several times before to stab myself with a knife to end my life forever. But I just couldn't bring it to break through my skin. So I put the knife back, thinking if I could get you back I wouldn't have to attempt suicide again.
After days went by, I got no response, and now I finally see what a lying jerk you were when you said you cared about me. The only way to escape this pain now is to die. Since I couldn't use the knife, I am now attempting to starve myself, eating only one meal a day, and eventually I'll be so thin that I'll become weak and take my life in desperation.
I should never had decided to rely on you for my last hope to recover. I should have been smart and guessed that you wouldn't bother to do anything about it. But I didn't, and that is why I am staving myself to death. If I can't have you with me, there is no point in being alive. The next time you'll care about my misery, it'll be too late. I'll be hospitalized with an eating disorder or perhaps dead before you do anything for me. So, now I say: Farewell, you inconsiderate, heartbreaking disaster! Thanks for ignoring me and making my life a depressing wreck!
P.S. Even after everything you've done, I might still miss you.
Goodbye (and I mean it),
Jessie Eikmann

Anyway, this is hard to accept, but I'm somewhat convinced that Alex never liked me and just pretended to be concerned. I thought he was different from the popular snobs, but now I see that he is one of them. I'll probably never want to see him again knowing that this horrible fact is true!
Ciao for Now, from starving, angry, and ready to die,
-Jess

Snowy Weather and "Torture Bells"
Wintery weather was predicted for our area today, first sleet and ice everywhere and possibly snow later in the evening, so a whole uproar was caused at school at the thought of possibly getting out of school early. We were talking about it in Orchestra because we had a concert tonight and if we went home early that meant the concert would be rescheduled to December 13. Ben Rosemann couldn't handle himself. He told Ms. Schlienat, "If we get out of school early, you'll hear a loud voice yelling, "YES!!!" Then he, Shelby Simmons, and Hannah Goldstein did a snow dance. They waved their arms and spun around in a circle, and while they were doing that, they sang, "Hallejulah, it's snowing men." over and over again.
At the beginning of Gifted class, we heard an announcement over the intercom. It said, "Due to inclement weather, we are having dismissals after lunch." Brett smiled and then shouted "YEESSS!" just like Ben said he was going to do. Brett, Gary and Alex Chan couldn't get it out their heads.
We were dismissed at 12:30, right after I ate my lunch with Shira and Lalana. The minute I got home I ran upstairs into my room. At first I didn't want to waste the three extra hours of my time sleeping, so I told myself I wouldn't fall asleep. Instead, I started to read the Guinness World Records 2007. However, all I had left to read of it was the music and television awards, and that got really boring after about ten minutes. Then I turned on the radio and decided that I was going to close my eyes and listen to the radio while I had my eyes closed so that I wouldn't be tempted to sleep. However, when I opened my eyes again, it was three hours later, so I guess that didn't work out so well.
While I was asleep, I had this crazy dream that it snowed so hard that we were trapped in this house. Then my radio broke and I had none of my favorite music to console me. So our family bought three music boxes, all of which played nothing but Jingle Bells. After three days of that annoying song I was so aggravated with Jingle Bells that I busted right out of the door and slammed my way through the snow. I ran into the woods behind my house and found a huge present that was addressed to me. The tag said, "It's what you've always wanted." I opened it and a zombie that looked just like Justin Rosenthal emerged from the box. He carried in his hand a music box. After he wound it up, I heard the same song I had heard for three days, Jingle Bells. I covered my ears and ran from the zombie. Then I fell into a ditch, and I thought for sure that the zombie was going to strangle me. Instead he held the music box right up to my ears, and I screamed, "AAAAAHHH!" At that instant I woke up and it was a relief to find myself back in my own room.
That dream must have been sort of a psychic invision, because later, at about 5 o' clock, Ally got out her music box that she got from Grandma that played Jingle Bells over and over. When I got annoyed by the music, Ally put the music box right in my ears, just like in the dream. All of a sudden I remembered the song I had made up last year called, "Torture Bells". It was to the same tune as Jingle Bells, but it was all about things that a person did to hurt himself. I began to sing that song to the tune of the music box to resist the song. And it also hit me that I had all seven verses that I had made up written down and on my bookshelf. I got out Torture Bells and sang it a few times. Then I made several adjustments to the song that I thought I would never sing again and sang the adjustments into it. Here is the adjusted song:

Chorus:
Torture bells, torture bells
Torture all the way
Let's ride in a cart chock
full of angry lobsters to-day!
Torture bells, torture bells
Torture all the way
You just love to hurt yourself
You always find a way

Verse 1:
Getting hit by cars
On a one-way street
We're running in the way
Of every one we meet

Jumping off a plane
When you've got no parachute
And just to make matters worse
You're in a bathing suit

Verse 2:
Boiling poisonous mushrooms
You want to eat for lunch
Even though they just might be
A dangerous thing to munch

You go in a rocket
And stand right on th sun
You just might burn to a crisp
But, hey, it might be fun

Verse 3:
You're standing by a tree
During a lightning storm
And it's 34 degrees
So you're not even warm

Let's go to the ocean
And jump right off a bridge
Chances are you'll likely drown
But you don't care one smidge

Verse 4:
You decide to wrestle
With fierce man-eating sharks
You are going to lose that battle
That'll leave some marks

In a locked gunpowder room
You light a dynamite
You're locked inside a burning room
But still you have no fright

Verse 5:
During a tornado
You're standing right outside
And then you're caught by snarling winds
That is quite a ride

You're climbing up a mountain
But you don't have a clue
You haven't got a single tool
And quickly down goes you

Verse 6:
You're out on the prarie
In the middle of a stampede
Hard hooves crush your arms and legs
What a fateful deed

You're driving an SUV
But you're only fifteen
And then the car rolls down a hill
And causes quite a scene

Verse 7:
Then you jump off a ledge
Into a cobra pit
The cobras then attack you
And you're quite painfully bit

You put some window cleaner
In a can of cold root beer
And then you glug the soda down
Until the can is clear

I also made up one more verse just for the heck of it:
Verse 8:
In an elevator shaft
You climb to Floor Thirteen
You cut the cord with scissors
And then smash to smithereens

You ask your friend to hurt you
With repeated hammer blows
So he busts the living crud out of
Your jaws and ears and nose
So anyway, here's the two morals of this story. One: Your dreams might tell you something strange about the furture, and Two: You never know wether you're going to suddenly remember something from your past.

Ciao for Now,
-Jess

With Just Ten Dollars
Today I think I just found the answer to my world of pain and suffering. Yesterday, I got a buzz book. Why did that make some of the pain go away? The answer is simple. I didn't know before where Alex lived, or any of that stuff. However, I wanted to write a letter to him. I already had it written out, in an envelope, and it even had a stamp on it. All it was missing was the address.
So yesterday I had ten dollars so that I could buy a school buzzbook, which would solve my problem of Alex being unreachable to me. Then we could finally communicate for the first time in months, the one thing I am waiting to happen.
I went to the Bookstore to buy the buzzbook, I suddenly got nervous. What if my letter didn't work? What if I never got to see light in my world ever again? I asked the lady, "Can I buy a buzzbook?"
"You sure can," she said.
I slid the ten dollar bill across the table. She slid across the table to me a green book.
For a moment, I held it in my hands, as if it were the entire world. Then I just felt compelled to run, and dashed outside and hid behind a corner. Then I flipped to the M's, looking for Alex's name. I found it, and read the address silently to myself.
I can't believe it. With just ten dollars, I bought the item I needed to possibly reconnect to the love of my life, who I thought I would never see again. With just ten dollars, I could turn the course of my tragic life around for the better. Now I can believe it's possible, that Alex will mend the parts of my world that were destroyed.
Ciao for Now, from partly revived and ready to make my move,
-Jess

Jealousy!
Recently I learned a shocking piece of information about my new super secret crush Brett. He told the entire Enrichment Reading class that HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND!!!
He had said, "Everyone thinks my girlfriend is crazy."
Mrs. Laytham asked, "Who is your girlfriend?"
Brett answered, "Amber Hollowell."
All I could think to do was mumble to myself. "G-g-g-g-ir-ir-irl-f-f-r-r-iend?" I stammered. "No," I thought. It can't be true. I had to pick Brett to start over. I just made a huge mistake! Now what was I supposed to do????
To make things just a little more complicated, Amber just happens to be one of my friends! And at the same time, she is my secret crush's GIRLFRIEND! I became insanely jealous of Amber. It wasn't fair! I need someone much more than she does. Why, then, does she get Brett all to herself?
I feel partly like I want to strangle Amber because she is dating my secret crush, but then I don't want myself to do something bad to her, because friends don't do that to other friends. So now all I can do is try and avoid her. However, Brett and Amber the Couple just seem to be appear everywhere, and together! I see them at recess, at the same lunch table, and just last week I saw them at the library together while I was typing my language essay! And what was even worse was that when I froze with a look of absolute horror on my face and slowly started to back away from the unbreakable twosome, Amber spotted me, wearing a look that said, "Man, what is up with you?"
I think I just might call Amber soon and tell her everything, but I'm wondering if that will result in massive chaos. This new jealousy problem just makes every other problem twice as bad!
Ciao for Now, from totally terrified and jealous,
-Jess

Homework Overload
You won't believe how much homework I have to make up after vacation. First, there was a math test that I hadn't even gotten any information about, so I was given about a dozen review sheets to practice the skills my class learned.
Then we had done a ton of work on the unit about India in our Social Studies class while I was gone, and had a lot of catching up to do.
Finally there was a science research project that I needed to catch up on. On Thursday, when I got back from vacation, I hadn't even started my research and the ROUGH DRAFT WAS DUE TOMORROW! Miss Coe said that I was no exception to this because she had warned me to start my research on vacation. Then, out of nowhere, tears started to flow down my face. Miss Coe just didn't understand. How could I get all of that done by tomorrow? I had to go outside the classroom until I was ready to stop crying. But the overload of homework wasn't the main reason I was crying. I was really crying for Alex. I cried for the entire period, saying to myself, "Why can't Alex be here? Why can't he come back? Why?"
That was the first time I ever broke down for Alex in class. Now I just know that things will continue to get worse until I find Alex or commit suicide. I hope I can get to the light first.
Ciao for Now, from nervous wreck,
-Jess